Relatives & Friends
Everyone has different skills – listening and helping with practical things can be very helpful. But it is important not to try to do everything. Family and friends need to look after themselves too.
Listening
A diagnosis of cancer gives rise to a range of strong emotions – fear, confusion, depression. People with cancer often feel isolated and vulnerable. Talking about fears can reduce anxiety. Listening is a very important tool and encouraging the person to talk can show a person with cancer that you are there for them.
Tips to improve your listening skills:
- • Concentrate on what they are saying rather than what you are going to say to them
- • Show you are listening by picking up things they have said
- • Encourage them as they talk by saying things like “Yes” or “I see” or hold their hand if they are finding it hard to talk
- • Don’t interrupt
- • Allow silences
- • Don’t change the subject
- • Be honest – don’t be afraid to describe your own feeling
- • Don’t force your advice on the other person instead present your suggestions as questions eg “Have you ever thought of doing …….?”
Many find that cancer can strengthen relationships and encourage communication as people talk about things they don’t normally discuss.
Practical Help
If you would prefer to offer practical help rather than emotional help:
- • Offer to help
- • Think about what the person needs most
- • Decide which of these tasks you could do
Look after yourself
A person with cancer doesn’t need those close to them becoming ill so it is important that you look after yourself. You should be fair to yourself and recognize your limitations. Recognize what you cannot do, don’t feel guilty about it and don’t be afraid to accept help from others.
Many organizations provide help and support to family and friends. Health care professions can also help.
Use these sources of help to get:
- • information
- • practical and even financial help and advice
- • someone professional to talk to
Tips on looking after yourself:
- • Eat well
- • Get extra rest
- • Don’t be afraid to ask others for help
- • Exercise
- • Make time for yourself every day
- • Learn relaxation techniques
- • Recognize stress – headaches, insomnia, digestion problems, constant colds
- • Don’t give up your social life